Memories and Insights of a Consciousness Pioneer in the Disguise of a Jewish Grandmother
Jewish Grandmother? Consciousness Pioneer? It’s takes a good sense of humor to live my life!
This is one of a few blog entries that will share insights from my life as a consciousness pioneer. And if you want me to tell you about my grandchildren, I can include the Jewish Grandmother thing too!
I’ll be describing how I reclaimed my divine feminine consciousness from the confusion and toxicity or the masculine consciousness that has dominated our world for thousands of years.
Blogs permit a wide range of writing styles and freedom from literary standards. And yet, in order to communicate clearly and with intention a bit of attention to craft is important. Blog style lets me respond week by week to the dramas that unfold for my clients and friends, and to those displayed on the national, international, planetary and cosmic stage. This is why you will see my personal insights intermingled with and cohabiting with current topics.
Looking Back on the New Age
At age 65 I can look back through the years and see the incredible changes in consciousness that have occurred. I have lived through the dawning of the new age. The new consciousness is peaking above the horizon for all of us as Mother Earth spins and dances through the higher frequency bands of the cosmos. The Age of Aquarius, the promise of love and understanding, of abundance and provision for all, is crowning. I can feel and see the difference between the 1950’s and now. The new age has finally arrived and we are living through it’s challenging birth!
Some of us, including myself, were born a little bit ahead of the curve. We had visions of the beautiful times to come springing from unconscious streams of love that flowed from deep within our hearts. We were the “Flower Children” of the 60’s.
We were the ones to usher in the “new age”. Just by being alive on the planet we fulfilled our purpose. We were the new age in person. We carried the frequency, vision and potential in our DNA. Just like the rainbow, crystal, and indigo children, teens and adults of today carry the next step in our evolving consciousness in their DNA.
It’s not easy being a “consciousness pioneer”. That’s how I’ve come to see myself and others like me whose spiritual yearnings led them early on to explore new dimensions of consciousness. Living through transitioning times is always difficult. There are so many unknowns and yet when you are called by the light to scout new realms of ascension in a world that doesn’t understand it can take a toll on your self-esteem and self-confidence.
Your world and the world of your family and friends don’t match up. What you see and experience can be completely different than those around you. Auras, energy, spirit guides, and intuitive wisdom are not part of the agreed upon reality. It took all of the patience, persistence, resiliency, and faith, I could muster and the support of good mentors and teachers, to follow my heart towards the light, even when the rest of the world told me I was crazy. Even my father called me a “phony” when referring to my work as a medical intuitive.
Seeing colors around others, knowing when someone is sick, having visions of futures that no one else knows, communicating with guides beyond the physical realm, light beings who radiate more truth than your mother, father and school teachers put me in agonizing and binding conflict with those I loved. Who do I listen to, my guides or my parents and school teachers? It’s amazing how many conflicting directions can arise out of love. How does one choose?
When I look back with a broadened perspective I can see how my life was set up to grow into wisdom instead of some false sense of success. But as a child it was confusing, anxious, and isolating.
It was an outrageous situation because it existed in a realm that was invisible and unspoken, no one knew that my inner world was in conflict with my outer world. Life appeared just fine.
As a consciousness pioneer I lived in a world of my own with only my inner guides to look to for help. For those of us born in the 50’s that meant there was no one else to talk to about the light filled beauty of the world’s beyond. At night my teachers would lift me out of my body and take me on journeys to the land of sapphire and gold. This always felt like my true home. In further blog posts I’ll describe these journey’s in more detail. This is only the introduction.
I feel deeply for the consciousness pioneers of the last twenty or thirty years. They too are living in world’s that don’t translate easily into common consciousness. Many are relegated to “The Spectrum”. It’s a term used to define brain functions that are different from main stream or normal brain functioning. They too are struggling with hearing one truth within and another from those around them. Who are they to listen to? Who understands them from inside their consciousness?
School was Challenging for Me
I had a lot of trouble in school. I share this with the hope that it will shed light and free you from the shame that you might carry as a result of similar experiences, then and now.
Due to my sensitivities I was more tuned in to the teacher’s feelings than the “teachings”. I had one teacher in fifth grade, her name was Miss Hayes. She had a bright sunny disposition and loved teaching. I did really well in her class. Her teachings flowed through me on a stream of love and deposited themselves into my brain easily.
On the other hand, my third grade teacher was a bitter woman who I had to turn off. I had to shut down in class. She had a reputation as a tough teacher. Kids referred to her as “the old maid”. Her taught bun pulled back the skin on her face so that it made her look pretty severe. She did not smile much, learning was serious business.
I remember sitting in this huge gray fog, forgoing learning just to protect myself from the weight of her seriousness. Normally cheerful I turned into an unhappy child. I didn’t want to play with friends, I came home right after school and buried myself in biographies of inspiring women to raise my spirits. The school librarian picked up on my interests and kept me supplied with books that became my lifelines for the year.
I definitely needed to be lifted out the dark shadow of my third grade teacher. I still remember her name and have our class photo in my scrapbook. I even saw her again 30 years later when visiting my daughters elementary school. They went to the same school I did. I’m sorry to say for her sake she hadn’t changed but at least my daughters did not have her as their teacher.
So I buried myself in inspirational books for all of third grade. I struggled to please my parents and teacher with good grades and good “deportment” (that was the word they used in those days to describe a student’s behavior in the classroom). But the lives of heroes in the books I escaped to, like Helen Keller, Florence Nightingale, and Marie Curie, gave me hope that one day I might follow my heart like they did. I actually won a blue ribbon for the most books read by a third grader that year. Could it have been guidance from above to get me to focus on female heroes? Possibly!
Something Wrong with Me
At the time I didn’t understand why learning could either be so hard or so easy. I just thought there was something wrong with me. When I had a pleasant teacher learning was easy, when the teacher carried dark heavy energy I couldn’t learn at all. Something wrong with me, something wrong with me, something wrong with me.… that was the mantra that keep repeating in my head. It was the only thing I could come up with to explain how uneven and uncontrollable my school experience was. It took a lot of energy for me to extricate myself from the fog that permeated the classroom and it took a toll.
It’s unfortunate that the only way I could explain what I couldn’t understand was to believe that there was something terribly wrong with me. It’s a common reaction to feel like we are to blame, that we are flawed when we feel confused and overwhelmed by discordant and dark energy. We become paralyzed and don’t know what to do. Others try to help but how do you describe the darkness to someone who does not see it or feel it?
These experiences with teachers followed me beyond public school to college and grad school. By my senior year in high school I had a handle on it. I studied what inspired me and put the rest on “get by” mode. You’ll be surprised to learn that I actually made it into the National Honor Society and was even named “most likely to succeed” by my classmates.I’m not sure how it all happened that way. I believe I was protected by my guides and that my life’s path was going to unfold no matter what I did! Unbeknownst to us our guides have a way of getting us to where we need to be!
My understanding of how we learn and how teachers impact those of us who are multi-dimensional helped shape how I am as a spiritual teacher. My spiritual teacher, Sufi Sherdil Amin, modeled a beautiful way of teaching. He would guide us into a deep meditation, where we relaxed into our hearts and released the grip of our limited minds so that the light that shined through him opened our hearts to the subtle and beautiful teachings of the heart. His gift was to show us what we already knew. He felt that spiritual teaching was an art and that achieving an authentic expression of deep realization was a valued skill and attainment.. His being radiated truth, light and wisdom that penetrated beyond the veil of illusion. I’m eternally grateful for his ability to see the true me and reflect it in a way that inspired me to take on the search for “my self”.
Making Sense of Life
As I look back on my life I can make some sense out of it. Having accumulated more years on the planet gives me an understanding of the privilege of being a consciousness pioneer. While it wasn’t easy, (it’s much easier now), I have lived an ecstatic life. At heart I’m a mystic in the garb of a Jewish suburban grandmother. How ordinary can one look to the world? But if you can see inside to my heart of hearts you will find a spiritual teacher devoted to bringing out the love, light, harmony and beauty in every being. Committed to showing others the beauty that exists beyond the limited viewpoint of materialism I am passionate about revealing and reflecting the beauty of our true being as it unfolds each day and every minute. It doesn’t matter who you are, whether you are my grandchildren or the check-out person at the grocery store, I love you and want you to know that you are a great being of power and grace; that there is freedom from misery and limitation within you waiting to be discovered. There is room for everyone to be liberated and in love, it’s not a competition nor is it for the “special people”. Spiritual realization is a state of communion with a self that is waiting to be discovered by you.