Intuition…..Your Trusty Guide to Dating and Relationships
This article began as notes for an interview conducted by author, speaker, and dating expert Lisa Copeland for her radio show: You Can Find Love After 50 Show. The show will air Monday, August 8 at 9 PM EST on the Going Solo Network. Here is the link to the internet channel. You may access the half hour show at any time once it has aired.
I thought I would share these notes with my readers because its a good refresher course on Intuition 101! By the end of the article I tie intuition with dating and how it can be a trusty guide once you have developed your intuitive skills. I’m a firm believer that love is a state of being that we should all be able to share with someone special. My hope is that everyone who desires to be in a loving relationship will be able to fulfill that desire.
How does your intuition support you in every way?
Your intuition will always guide you towards optimum growth and fulfillment of your life purpose. Intuition does not provided shortcuts, it provides the best guidance you will ever receive because it is coming from your heart, your very wise soul.
Your intuition will never belittle or demean you.
It will correct you by guiding you in subtle ways or not so subtle ways. If you don’t hear the whispers it will come in dreams, if you don’t remember the dreams it will come from a line in a book, TV show or movie, from a friend or a sign on a truck or license plate! If you still don’t get the message it might come through an illness or a challenging or traumatic situation. This is not necessarily the order the guidance will come in, but I can guarantee that every moment of your life your intuitive voice is trying to get a message to you!
What is intuition?
Intuition has been defined as knowing something without knowing how you know it. But that seems like an outdated definition. A better definition would take into account what science has now proven: that we are all linked as one in a unified field and that field contains all of the information in the known and unknown universe. So a better definition of intuition would be
“information that comes to us from the unified field”.
Whether we are in touch with the unified field is each person’s choice, but it is there to connect with, just like the internet is there to connect with whenever we want.
We have subtle energy organs that are versions of the physical senses that pick up on the information and insights. For instance, the third eye is the subtle version of our physical eyes. The chakras and subtle energy channels pick up on the intuitive level of communication while the physical senses pick up the physical level of communication. We just haven’t been taught that we have these subtle sense organs!
Science now recognizes that the heart has a “brain”. They have discovered brain cells actually located in the physical heart and that the heart truly has its own way of “thinking”. They have also located brain cells in the gut and correspondingly the gut has its own way of thinking. The heart sees the world through a compassionate and wise lens and the gut sees the world through a “gut feeling”. We are on the verge of science corroborating everything about intuition that has been mysterious for so long!
How do we access intuitive information from the unified field?
Sometimes we receive intuitive information when we are in an emergency or crisis situation. The resistance to our infinite knowing is reduced by the need to know.
Other times it will come through, as I mentioned above, in the synchronicities of life. The books, TV and movie dialog, billboards, labels on products or signs on trucks, there are so many ways life is trying to guide us. The question is whether we will listen or not.
To tune into intuition regularly we need to feel safe, relaxed and able to quiet our mind and emotions so that we can hear the quieter voice of intuition. It’s not that it’s actually a quieter voice, it’s that we’re not used to giving it the space and attention that we give our noisy minds and roller coaster emotions!
How do I know the difference between my intuition and wishful thinking and fears?
Each person has to learn to develop their intuitive skill just like learning any new discipline. It takes time, practice, attention and mentoring with feedback. Just because it is a natural ability it still needs cultivation to be used skillfully. When we learn a new craft or skill we expect to spend time learning and mastering it. We know there will be a learning curve and this is also true of developing our intuition. When we have developed our intuitive skill to the point that we can access it at will we will know the difference between intuition and wishful thinking and fears!
The belief that our intuition should be there when we want it to be stems from our materialistic society. If it’s not there then there are grounds for dismissing and pretending that it doesn’t exist. Those of us who are intuitive are tired of being bullied by those who have no idea what they are talking about. Intuitive information exists outside of the rational mind and in the unified field. It’s up to each person to decide whether they are interested in cultivating it or not.
If we were raised in an indigenous community, we might have been taught about intuition along with learning more logical thinking skills. But in our culture intuition has been shoved to the background so that it is invisible to us, almost unrecognizable. So when we ask, how do I know the difference between my intuition and my mental projections, it’s a little tricky because we don’t have a reference point to compare it with.
How do I develop my intuition?
As I mentioned before dreams are one of the easiest intuitive skills to develop. I would start with learning how to incubate dreams as a way to open up intuitive skills. Take a class on developing your intuition or learn a meditation practice to help quiet your mind and emotions.
You might also engage with your creative energy in ways that are easy and appealing. Practice such as yoga, tai chi, and martial arts introduce you to moving meditation and subtle energies. Or engage in a creative field such as visual arts, music, dance and sports. Energy is creative and when we engage our creativity we begin to engage our intuition. When we are playing with creativity and energy we are willing to be in a feeling state, using our felt sense instead of our mind and we surrender to this wonderful joy and natural sense of presence that awakens our intuition. Remember playing with clay, or doodling…you don’t worry about the outcome, you relax and play. Intuition rises out of a state of joy and relaxation. Playing with the clay our hands start to feel and sense difference textures, shapes, we surrender to the squishi-ness, and then something starts to form out of the formless mass. That’s how intuition arises, most often it’s a quiet sense that starts to take shape and form, either instantly with startling clarity or with incubation over time that suddenly breaks through to an “aha”. It starts out as a feeling, a vague sense of YES or NO, turn right, or turn left. With practice we learn to identify how our intuition speaks to us, through our body, our thoughts, our feelings, dreams, doodles, songs that play on the radio, etc. Patience, faith, trust are the pathways to intuitive insight, a completely different approach than our usual logical, linear thinking.
Why don’t I listen to my gut feelings?
The first answer to this question is that we weren’t taught to. The second answer might be that we were mocked for any intuitive quality or ability we might have displayed early on. The third gets into more complex areas.
Can you sit with yourself, with your own thoughts and feelings and tolerate what you hear and feel? This is an ability intuitive people have. They are not afraid of what they feel and think. Accepting “what is” is the portal to entering the unified field.
Intuition requires a special type of listening that is not compatible with fear, anxiety, self-criticism and a busy mind. When we can learn to be compassionate and accepting of our self we learn to also listen to the intuitive voice that is trying to guide us from within.
A few additional ways intuition is drowned out:
- Trying to please others
- Living by the “should’s” of society
- Being controlled by fears and anxieties
- Undervaluing your dreams and aspirations
- Stress and physical tension
- Racing thoughts
- Trauma history
- Dissociating from the physical body
- Overly controlling and defensive
Having a mature, healthy and honest relationship with your own being is the best way to ensure that your intuition is credible and clear.
How does intuition apply to finding Mr. Right?
First and foremost, I guarantee that your intuition will always guide you to respect and honor yourself.
If I told you that you will understand more about yourself by being compassionate with yourself, will you believe me? Probably not, you’ll probably feel like that doesn’t feel like you are doing anything to achieve your goal of finding your beloved. But that is the paradox of intuition. It’s not logical, linear, it’s heart centered, it’s wise and most often it’s surprising.
When you take care of yourself, feel calm and confident, you will exude a beauty that will be noticed for what it is, authentic and real. True beauty has an attractive and definite glow to it. Others are attracted to this glow…they don’t know why but they are attracted to it like a moth to light. So first we need to take care of ourselves and learn how to be as compassionate with our self as we are with others. That speaks louder than your eye makeup, hair and outfit.
You will need to know yourself and identify your fears and anxieties so that you can put them aside for a few moments to listen more deeply. We’ll always have fears, imperfections, and craziness, but being honest, accepting and present opens pathways to the inner realms of the heart. Once we have hit the “50 year and above mark” dating shifts into a different arena. It’s at that time we need to take a deeper look at what we truly want and hit the “refresh” key. Lisa is one of the best coaches around to guide you through this process.
Often we are looking for the more materialistic check points, which are important but do not give us the full picture of who we are with and what the relationship potential might be. We often overlook some important qualities in the other person that might be the ingredients for the best relationship imaginable. That is why we need to focus on developing our self-confidence, recognize our value, learn acceptance in infinite ways, and allow life to deliver right to us the best partner and friends possible. Once we attend to these self-growth areas it seems like our intuitive intelligence seems to light up naturally!
- help you discern between desperate need for a partner and your own self honor and respect.
- help you understand love as a state of being, not as something you give to someone.
- help you sense compatibility and authenticity.
- help you be open to possibilities.
- help you know if you are safe or not.
- help you deepen intimacy and connection.
- help you become more honest, accepting and trusting of yourself.
If you are really clear your intuition will let you know when you are getting close to finding Mr. Right. You’ll feel it in your bones, your gut feeling will tell you that it’s just around the corner. Or it will tell you that you aren’t close at all. You probably don’t want to hear that so you will push that knowing outside of your conscious awareness and shut down your true knowing. Intuition doesn’t lie, it doesn’t suit our desires and wishes, it tells you WHAT IS.
Timing is everything and accepting the ebbs and flows of the timeline of your life is something that I hope you have learned by the time you are 50. If Mr./Mrs. Right hasn’t come along yet then do all that you can do to become the most authentic beautiful you there is. I know the it’s hard when the feeling of wanting to share your life intimately with another is so strong that every cell in your body aches, but the deeper streams of life are leading you on an adventure that is just right for you. Let go and let life happen. Easy to say, a little harder to do. That’s when you might need a coach to support you, and that’s OK.
Wherever you are in your life’s timeline it is never too late to develop your intuition. It will open you up to the underlying beauty that grounds our physical world and to the glowing beauty that is hidden within you. It will always be your best friend and guide and it will never let you down. If you want to have a voice within you that always wants the best for you, turn to your intuitive voice.
Here is how to connect with Lisa Copeland, “The Dating Coach Who Makes Finding Love after 50 Fun and Easy!”