Is Your Identity Vague and Muddled?
I seem to spend the majority of my time in the ethers. I have a very vague sense of who I am. I even had to ask my husband what my favorite foods were recently. I can tell people some activities I do but I can’t describe my personality to anyone. —J.S.
When a young woman tells me she has no idea who she is, that she feels like a composite jumble of everyone around her, I hear the voice of an empath.
She sees those around her as interesting characters, like those in great novels. But when she thinks of her own life, she feels vague, with little definition and no unique identity. She actually describes herself as “dispersed” throughout her surroundings with no focal point or center.
Of course, it isn’t true, but it is how an empath feels. I experience her as having a lot of personality, quite colorful and interesting. But she will be the first one to tell you she has worked hard to create an alternate personality so she can pass in the world of “normal” people. No matter how artistic, creative, intelligent, and energetic she is, the overwhelming energy and stimulation that surrounds her pushes her to the background and she feels lost.
She’ll readily admit she feels everyone’s energy. Being sensitive to energy is natural to her. She doesn’t realize that it’s not natural or easy for others! She’ll describe someone’s energy in detail such as the colors, sounds, light, and extent of their aura. Illness, deep feelings, insecurities are easy to know in others but not in herself. She doesn’t realize that as an empath she has a special type of intuitive intelligence that makes her a truly unique and interesting character!
Empaths have a lot going for them but one thing is definitely missing: their sense of self. It’s there but they don’t know how to feel it or be it.
First Corrective Steps: Bring your energy and attention back to yourself.
As we were speaking, it was obvious to me that all her energy was focused on me. I’m sure she could feel everything about me, but nothing about herself. I invited her to bring her attention and energy back to her body. Of course, she knew immediately what I meant. Once I pointed it, out she too noticed that all of her energy was focused on me, as if lines of energy were connecting her body, mind and emotions to me through the space between us. She also noticed that none of her energy was focused inward. Once she brought her energy back to herself, through her attention, her breath, and her felt sense of her body, she became concentrated instead of disbursed, solid instead of vaporous, and alive with a general sense of self.
For the empaths reading this blog, try this. Notice how much of your energy is going towards these words. You might feel like you are immersed in the words and the energy and feeling behind them. If you are, invite your energy and attention to return to your body. The navel center is a good place to focus on. The navel center is the physical center of the body and a good place to feel your breath and own energy. Now, redirect your attention back to your body, your breath and yourself. You can still read these words, but you are not losing yourself in the process.
Everyone loses awareness of self every so often. When you are immersed in an interesting project, movie, book or conversation you can forget where you are and who you are. This is how an empath feels most of the time because their energy and attention is immersed in the world outside. It is also why it is so important for empaths to bring their energy and attention back to their body to begin the process of re-entry into their own being.
This is not a natural impulse for empaths. A commitment to honor and value yourself is necessary to begin the retraining of your nervous system. You’ve spent a lifetime focusing on others. To others you may look very accomplished but your own consciousness only registers what others have done. Our big hearts, our love for everyone, and our desire to shine a light on the world leads empaths away from themselves. It’s time for empaths to cast a broader beam—include themselves in their own light. Why do you think it’s so easy for narcissists and empaths to come together? The narcissist who is solely focused on self will draw an empath who is very willing to focus on another instead of self. They are perfect complements!
It takes extreme diligence for an empath to re-train their energy to stay inwardly centered. The empath’s energy is like a dog who runs out an open door in a flash. It’s almost impossible to catch. Effective reminders need to be put in place. Place reminders on your phone, computer, steering wheel, mirror and refrigerator door to feel your seat and feet, ground with Mother Earth, or feel your breath moving in and out of your navel center.
Red flags that let you know you are not in your body and centered within self include—feeling insecure, sick, lost, confused, that nothing matters, that you have no opinion or individualized feelings, feeling dispersed into thin air, random sudden pain and illness, and/or that you don’t care or matter.
Learning to live an embodied individuated life while maintaining your connection to the subtle energy realms is important for empaths. Your multi-dimensional consciousness needs to connect to the unity field that unites us all. You don’t want to sacrifice this profound awareness of Oneness to a material-only world. Empaths need training to skillfully navigate the nested and continuous spectrum of consciousness. This will help you maintain your connection to the expanded realms while also being an individual who deserves happiness and fulfillment in life.